I decided to get a hotel room since I could tell it would be a long night of fighting off whatever it was that had crept into my heart and mind.  As soon as I entered the hotel room at 10:30pm it got worse.  I prayed to not be anxious.  And I realized this feeling was not anxiety.  I prayed to not be fearful.  And I realized that this feeling was not fear.  Finally, I knew what it was.  Oppression.  My heart beat faster as I became keenly aware of the spiritual oppression almost tangible in the air.  I prayed. It thickened in my room as I crawled into bed.  I called one of my good friends who spoke Truth into me and prayed for me.  And then I tried to go to bed again.  The oppressive feeling grew…I grabbed my bible and read a few verses…I switched on and off the light, opened and closed my bible at least a dozen times trying to work past this feeling so I could go to sleep.  As my eyes became heavy and my mind was racing through scripture….I slowly dozed off to sleep for an hour…as I was awakened by my alarm I sat up quickly, checked my heart and immediately praised God for feeling better.

I quickly jumped in the shower, packed up and headed to get on the plane to Port au Prince.  In the Miami airport the oppression returned but my excitement to get home and see my girls at the airport (they didn’t have school- Mardi Gras)  overshadowed any other feelings I was having.

Through the ride on the airplane I was lucky enough to sit next to a guy with a very interesting job working with aviation here in Haiti…so thankfully I was pretty distracted.

The second I stepped off the plane it was like a HUGE cloud of oppression surrounded me again.  This feeling met with the thick, hot air of Haiti was like a recipe for disaster.  As we got on the bus to get our luggage, I witnessed a young girl step off the bus to run away and puke in a corner outside, I thought that maybe I was next.  I had felt spiritual warfare before, but NEVER this strongly and for this long.

I continued to pray the whole way through immigration and customs and was finally met by the sweet, beautiful faces of my girls.  My heart rejoiced and I felt a peace with finally seeing them!!!

Through dinner and as I put them to bed I could feel the oppression creeping in again…I began singing as we bathed.  My girls and I prayed vigorously with Rita downstairs before heading upstairs when finally I felt like I could breathe again.  I could feel the OVERCOMER overpowering the Oppression.

My heart felt released.  As I worked through (and discussed) this oppression I just KNEW this was going to happen sooner or later.  Where God is doing SO many amazing things, the enemy gets angry.  When God is growing, loving and teaching amazing vessels, the enemy feels threatened.  Respire Haiti is a THREAT to the enemies plan to destroy…and because Respire Haiti is truly GIVING these children a new life by teaching them their identity in HIM….the enemy cringes.

I know that over the next few days and months and years this will not be the first time this happens.  The enemy is angry because GOD IS SUCCEEDING.  God is CHANGING Gressier and the people here.

This does NOT make him happy.

After returning to Haiti refreshed and renewed spiritually and with spending HOURS and HOURS of time researching laws, restaveks, education and childrens rights and speaking to many individuals who have worked on this for years, I have never felt so EQUIPPED to FIGHT for these Restaveks and vulnerable children in Haiti.

I KNOW that the spiritual warfare will not stop here or now.  But, God is STRONGER,  He is more Powerful and most importantly He has already won the battle.  :)

Let me start off first by saying, I Love Football.  Yes, I really do.  I’ve been a Saints fan since the day I was born and was even a Tulane Cheerleader (shhh…don’t tell) and I was the cheerleader who would forget to say the cheer because I was watching the game so intently…

So now that that disclaimer is made, I can start saying what has puzzled me most recently in the land of America.  Sunday, February 5, 2011.  Super Bowl Sunday.  Big game.  Lots of Parties, Food and Fun.  I am all in for that…as I reiterate that I Love Football, I also Love Super Bowls….but now let me tell you what I DON’T love, and what I am SO confused by….

Businesses paid an average of $3.5 million dollars for a 30 second commercial during the Super Bowl….let me say that again…$3.5 million…yes MILLION.,. for 30 seconds…For 30 seconds when there’s a good chance people will be using that time to race to the bathroom….or refill their drinks…or grab some more crawfish dip (Shout out to Mrs. Bebe Haha)

While I am in the states raising awareness and funds for Respire Haiti my mind was blown…$3.5 million.  For 30 seconds.

I could NOT stop thinking about what I could do with that money….that $3.5 million would FINISH the WHOLE school.  IT would build the library, computer lab, medical clinic, community center, pavilion….that money would make these dreams that all of these Restaveks and Orphans have in Gressier a reality.  Education for thousands.  Freedom for hundreds of children.  $3.5 million would have completely built Heartline’s Maternity Hospital they want to build, and save HUNDREDS of mothers and babies.

But then again, I thought, well I’m in America, it’s hard for people to know about things they don’t see….sometimes it’s hard for people to care about Haiti…so, giving a little grace I stopped thinking about MY organization…and thought of the HUNDREDS of others here in the U.S of A. that $3.5 million could help….

….I thought about all of the SCHOOLS that are underfunded in America…all of the foster children and orphans that are struggling here in the States…I thought of my old workplace Prevent Child Abuse Louisiana…what could THEY have done with this $3.5 million.

For 30 seconds…these businesses could have built schools, rebuilt lives, fed children, healed people…

And I know…in the end it’s ALL God’s money.  In the end, God ALWAYS funds what HE is leading.

Call their commercials marketing.  Tell me how they probably give to charity other times.  Remind me how GREAT the Super Bowl is…  But ultimately my mind is still spinning at the reality of how much money was spent on Super Bowl Commercials.

But still…I can’t help but think…if Budweiser would have given Respire Haiti or any of these other organizations…even just 5 seconds of their 30 seconds…we could have built CHANGE.  FREEDOM.  FOREVER.

Because of our growing number of students at Respire Haiti Christian School I decided to conduct a quick written survey of each class.  Even as the Spiritual Director of our school, Pastor Benito, and I wrote the questions…I still felt somewhat in shock of the reality of this situation and the questions we were needing to ask.

I stared down at the paper we finished writing together earlier that week.  In the left hand column, I read the words he wrote in BIG BOLD LETTERS that were meant to be checked off if they applied…I read them slowly, realizing how painful these ONE word questions were…..

Orphan (Mother and Father)?

Orphan (Lost Father)?

Orphan (Lost Mother)?

Restavek?

Extreme Poverty?

Person Responsible?

Address?

Reading through the words listed in the questionnaire, it suddenly hit me how REAL this is in my world in Gressier and in all of Haiti. Restaveks…Orphans…Extreme Poverty.

As Pastor Benito continued to flip through the pages of answered questionnaires…my heart sunk again…deeper and deeper.  My mind raced.  Each name on a piece of paper…a child…A child who has been through more in their short life then I will ever go through…

He gave the book to me…looked up and said, you look through them.  I took the book slowly and one by one flipped the pages of our 1st grade….Orphan…Orphan…Orphan and Restavek…Lost Father…Restavek…Lost Mother….Restavek…Restavek….I couldn’t breath anymore.  I stopped, looked up at him and shut the book.  My chest tightened as I thought, Oh Crap, How is this real?  HOW and WHY did God bring me here?  This is TOO HARD, TOO MUCH.

I took a huge breath and needed some time…I told them I would be back in a minute, I needed to walk away.

As I walked around our land, I walked to the farthest place on it to get away from everyone and everything…my mind was overflowing with the REALITY of the situation…I KNEW it was big and I KNEW it was tough.  But truthfully, after looking at those papers, I really had no idea.

I held Micha close as we walked home…I couldn’t get out of my mind what HER sheet would have looked like.  I PRAISED God for HIS plan and not mine.

That afternoon was extremely tough…as I was packing up to leave for the states for a few weeks the very next day…I couldn’t believe God had uncovered so much just to let me hear that information and jet off the next day.  As the WHOLE house heard of my NON-excitement to leave (I’m kind of a vocal person)…I realized that the day I had to fly to America wasn’t going away…and I was forced to pack (although I think I packed two things…haha)

All night long I couldn’t get the questionnaire out of my head…it just kept flashing through my mind.  I kept thinking how most of our children don’t even ADMIT they are Restaveks, so there is a good chance the children who said they were Orphans are probably Restaveks too.  The problem kept growing in my mind.

To make matters even worse…as I was on the way to the airport the next day my phone rang at only 9:00am…as I picked it up I heard Pastor Benito’s voice somewhat worried…as I asked him how he was, he said okay, and then in his broken English said…“We have problem.  Big, Big, Large Problem.”  Trying to stay calm, my mind tried to think of what it could be…I had no idea what he was going to say….he took a deep breath and then explained...”I just finished the evaluations for the 2nd grade.  It is much worse than we thought.  They are almost all Restaveks.  The second grade is very rough.  They need a lot of help.”

Once again my mind raced to thinking of WHY in the world I was about to hop on a plane for a few weeks when all of this information so fresh and so heavy was just being given to me.  Continuing on to the airport in heavy traffic and running late I secretly wished my plane would leave…that I would miss my flight and be stuck in Haiti  I begged God to give me a reason for telling me this information and then me leaving right after…but he didn’t just then.

I entered the airport…went through security and realized my flight was delayed two hours…I totally thought about escaping, just NOT going…running back to Gressier.  In my one track mind, I thought he was trying to tell me to stay!  I went upstairs to get a cup of coffee and sat down lost in my own world.

The next thing I knew a random person sitting next to me struck up a conversation…she began to tell me of her work with Street Boys…how she had 3 homes…only 6-8 children in each.  She caught my attention.  We went on to talk for the solid 2 hours before our flight boarded.  As we talked about the terrible situation with Restaveks and street children in Haiti…she talked about how she had been wanting to start a home for Restaveks.  “A place of Freedom”, she said.  My heart smiled.  She gave me Hope.  She reminded me.  ONE CHILD.  ONE AT A TIME.  

Sitting in the airport in Port au Prince this righteously angry, independent, wonderfully learn-ed woman was my Angel.  Reminding me WHY God has me here.  Reminding me HOW things will change…One Child At A Time.

I left the Port au Prince Airport that day with a new VIGOR.  A new vigor for HOPE.  A new vigor for CHANGE.

These questionnaires were created to help us serve the children in our school and know their needs.  THIS DOES NOT DEFINE THEM.  THIS IS NOT THEIR IDENTITY.

They are ALL children of the King.  They are fearfully and wonderfully made.  THEY are beautiful, chosen and held tightly to the Kings Heart.

God continues to instill in me a passion for these children that is righteously furious.  God continues to encourage me (and He uses others to encourage me) to be their VOICE!  These children need CHANGE.  They NEED someone to be their voice, to fight for them.  The Restavek situation in Haiti needs to be dealt with HEAD ON…Slavery has GOT to end…Children deserve to be children…and being a Restavek…something that is sadly and disgustingly culturally accepted by most in Haiti is something that MUST CHANGE NOW.

Pray with me for FREEDOM…for these Children’s RIGHTS……and FOR CHANGE IN HAITI.

Reblogged from Blessed With A Burden:

I have tried to write this post for the last 6 months but it’s so hard to write down something that I feel so passionate about and (for those of you who’ve seen me talk) feel like I need to be jumping around, spastically waving my hands and explaining how I feel about this!  Even though I still don’t think I have it right here goes…I pray that God uses this post to speak to you in whatever way necessary… Ever since I’ve lived in Haiti every time I say I work with children, the next question I …

I feel like this is good timing to read this blog post again (or maybe for the first time!)