“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Mother Teresa
Sitting today in an orphanage of over 120 children who are all in desperate need of Love, Food and a Family…I began to understand what Loving until it HURTS really means.
I had been to this orphanage before back in August, but I think I was in such shock when I visited back then that for the hour or so I was in it I didn’t know what was happening.
All I remember is sitting on a bench and having a TON of children’s hands ALL over me…I remember there was SO much going on that I felt like I could hardly breathe, it wasn’t until I was about to leave that I realized why it was so hard to take a breath. I looked down and one of the babies on my lap was literally squeezing me to death. Her head was buried in my stomach and she wasn’t budging (and she was asleep)…when it was time to leave, ripping that little girl off of my lap as she was crying was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
Leaving an already abandoned child is HEARTBREAKING. It’s a horrible feeling and left my spirit shaken. It changed me. I came back after that trip to Haiti…and KNEW that I had two choices. I could forget about that moment or I could ALWAYS remember it. ALWAYS remember that beautiful girls face, her gripping me for life, her fear, her cry, her eyes.
It may be easier to just forget about the hurting, starving faces that you’ve seen before. Everyone has seen them. On TV, in magazines, maybe even in person. But that’s a REALITY (especially in Haiti.)
And some people decide to ignore this. To Avoid it. The phrases that I have heard SO much through my journey in Haiti….”It’s too painful to look at this.” ”It’s too hard to see these starving babies. That’s so sad.” They say “I feel like I can’t do anything.” Well truthfully…sometimes I feel like that EVERYDAY. Staring into the eyes of a starving, hurting child. Can I ignore it? No. So what do I do. I LOVE them through my pain. Through their pain. This is LOVING WHEN IT HURTS.
When it HURTS you to know what they have gone through. When it HURTS you to know they don’t have a family. When it HURTS you to continue visiting them, and seeing them in this pain. But Trusting GOD to love them through you anyway and to provide through you.
It’s a HUGE challenge. Loving When it Hurts. That’s God’s Love. That’s hard. Painful and Scary. And leaves you ALL out of YOUR RESOURCES. Depending WHOLLY and FULLY on HIS Love.
My prayer today, Lord PLEASE help me to LOVE these orphans EVEN WHEN IT HURTS. ESPECIALLY when it hurts. And it hurts all the time. Lord, please remind me of YOUR strength in me. Please help me to get to the other side Lord, of what Mother Teresa was talking about when she said, “…When you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Thank you for YOUR gift of Love and Thank you Lord for these children.
(Written Saturday December 11)